Both sexes are equal, but some are more equal than others

Image courtesy of Page Six

Ah, the delicate subject of sexism. Ladies and gents, we are living in confusing times when it comes to gender inequality – especially when it comes to the hairier sex (and by that, I am of course referring to men – not the art of fornicating in risky places).

The media has been spanking its self into a frenzy this week over my favourite alpha female Madonna, who virtually face-raped R&B lothario Drake at Coachella.

And whilst the viral video made me chuckle at first (before promptly face-palming), it did raise some interesting issues in my mind, such as: what would our reaction be if an ageing male pop star, such as wobbly-headed twat Sir Paul McCartney, had decided to eat the tonsils of a young female without their consent?

The response would have been very different, I’m sure. In fact, he’d probably be helping Project Ewetree with their investigations as we speak.

The concept of women as sexual predators has been lightly prodded by the media stick for decades now, however usually for our titilation.

Whether it be in movies such as Disclosure, where the stunning Demi Moore inexplicably can’t keep her hands off of crinkly wretch and ball bag lookalike Michael Douglas, or in news stories such as the case of super hot teacher Debra Lefave and her affair with a 14 year old boy, there’s always a hint of lavicious sexuality about the whole affair that makes us all take it less than seriously.

Sexual assault is never OK. Even if the attacker is a hot female. Men have the right to choose who touches them, and aren’t obligated to feel somehow grateful for enforced female sexual attention.

Sadly, until sexual equality is equally equal for everyone concerned, we are going to remain in the dark. Yes we are different, and that’s a good thing, but we are human before all else.

On a lighter note, and in the interests of helping us all get along better, I’d like to bust a few more myths about men and women that the media are still pedalling, which are muddying the already murky waters of sexual equality:

Men:

Yes, please continue to hold doors open, help us with heavy lifting, and bring us flowers. Please don’t assume that chivalry is dead. Just because we want to be equal to men doesn’t mean we want to be men. Vive le difference!

No, men do not automatically get better with age. Men and women both get older and the effect of that ageing on your looks is not gender-specific. The only difference is that women place higher importance on internal values, so we ignore your paunch and receding hairline because you make us laugh and build a wicked bookshelf.

You are not better at driving than women, but you may possibly be better at parking. There, I’ve said it.

Women:

Man-bashing is not OK. We can all be shits, and just because you’ve had your ego dented a couple of times by men, doesn’t give you the right to assume they have no feelings. Both sexes hurt each other constantly in relationships, but no one deserves to be hurt – whatever they have going on between their legs.

If you want equal rights and equal pay, you have an equal obligation to put your hand in your pocket when the bill arrives.

Some of us ladies can’t multitask for shit, either.

Just because he has a penis, doesn’t mean he wants to use it with you.

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